The exhausting effects of blame in relationships

A relationship goes through both good and bad times. While it is important to keep the good memories close and put in effort to ensure that the other person feel happy, safe and loved in the relationship, it is equally important to address the difficult conversations, stay together through the difficult times and address conflicts in a healthy manner. Often, blame games can creep into a relationship and lead to resentment and unaddressed arguments and conflicts. When this continues for a prolonged period of time, blame can create frustration and also lead to separation. “It can be exhausting when we blame rather than communicate,” wrote Therapist Benjamin Ekorhi.

The exhausting effects of blame in relationships(Unsplash)

Here are a few ways to address blame in relationships, noted down by the expert.

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Blame comes from anger: Unattended and unaddressed anger and resentment for a prolonged period of time can lead to blaming in the relationship. This further starts the defensiveness and the negative emotions – this cycle can carry on until addressed in a healthy manner.

Use I statements: One of the healthy ways to address the blame game in a relationship is using I statements to share and communicate the emotions felt by us, without bringing them in the picture.

Taking responsibility: We should stop escaping taking accountability, and instead start taking responsibility for our actions. When we hurt someone, no matter what reasons we may have for that, we should apologise and promise to change.

Avoid labeling: We should avoid labeling behaviour patterns, especially related to the partner. Labeling restricts bringing in positive change.

Blaming erodes good will: We should understand that blaming erodes good will and creates the space where the partner may feel that they can never have a positive outcome out of the relationship. This can affect their perspective of the relationship and make it exhausting for them.

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